A Mother's Experience

I find it really amazing and curious this journey that we call “life.”

Some of the things that came my way I for sure didn’t feel like I was prepared for and yet that is what’s kept me as a lifelong learner realizing that there’s so much to learn in life.

It was a number of years ago that one of my adult children was in a new relationship
and started to distance themselves from me. In my mind I thought they were tied up
with their new life and relationship and didn’t need me as much anymore. It was only
long afterwards and through some very heartfelt conversations that it came to light what
was happening.

As a parent I have felt guilty many times. What did I do wrong to have my
child and or children end up struggling with substances.? I no longer hold myself
accountable for their decisions. As an adult I do hold myself even more strongly
accountable for what I can control and what I can do. Now it is all about how do I support
them and how do I interact with them. I’ve never been a big one on tough love as we
have heard the opposite of addiction is connection. It is about staying connected with
love and holding strong my own values and beliefs. It’s a dance that I continue to dance now.
I’ve learned to have my own interests and things that I love and I take care of my own
self, health and wellness. This includes my physical, spiritual and mental health.

My child has been four years abstinent from opioids and has used cannabis to support that
process. We have very honest and real conversations. I’ve learned and grown because of
their honesty with me. On occasion we have some challenging conversations. I’ve learned to hold space to ask questions and hear the answers instead of assuming that I knew what was best. By this I mean I would ask: What do you need? How can I help? Instead of jumping in and doing it. During one of our conversations they said to me “when you do that it makes me feel like you don’t think I can and you don’t have faith and trust me”. That was the furthest thing from what I was thinking. My intention has always been to offer help and hearing those words I’ve learned to step back. What they need to hear from me is: I believe in you, you got this and I’m here at any point in time to help.

Antoinette Gravel-Ouellette - Manitoba